Waiting to Explode

When did Whitney Houston become a stone wall heidcase? Mad adverts for some new album has her looking like a fucked up tranny. She must be about 50 or something but come on tae fuck.

This brings me to another pet hate of mine, the term "Diva".I fucking hate it. Its basically a word to describe an older(usually) female singer who is also a total cunt.

Other famous past it female total cunt singers include...

Mariah Carey.
Madonna.
Tina Turner.
Mary J Blige.
..And Elton John.

10k

That's me done the 10k for the big C.My time? a very respectable 47mins thank you very much.

The thing that annoyed me tho was this wee fella, he must have been about 20 years older than me but at about 5k he and I got into a wee bit of a dog fight overtaking each other until he just made off and I couldn't catch him, fuckin auld prick! done me a beauty!

The Extra Mile.

My company is doing a drive at the moment to win back corporate business that was lost last year for whatever reson, The campaign has been originally titled "We want you back" and involves a letter being sent out at the start of evry month to the various companies so the guys can follow it up with a call or whatever.

I was asked along with a couple of others to look at the letter, rewrite it and send it back to the boss.

This was my effort, I dont think she was impressed.


Mr Jon Doe
Blythswood Street
Glasgow
Scotland
G2 7AT


22nd September 2009

Dear Mr Doe,

Re: Insurance Review

When I had you to myself I didn't want you around. Those pretty faces always made you stand out in a crowd. But someone picked you from the bunch, one glance was all it took Now it's much too late for me to take a second look

Oh baby give me one more chance (show you that I love you) Won't you please let me(back in your heart)Oh darlin' I was blind to let you go(let you go baby)But now since I see you in his arms(I want you back)Yes I do now(I want you back) Ooh ooh baby (I want you back)Ya ya ya ya (I want you back)
Na na na na


Your sincerely,


David Gavigan
Commercial Executive
Direct Dial 123456 789
Email –

Ich Bein Ein a Winner!

A comment in an earlier post reminded me of something.

On a recent trip to Berlin we ended up in in Irish themed bar called Oscar Wilds to which given my surroundings I kept referring to as Oscar Schindlers. Funny stuff no?

Then it hit me, on my return to Glasgow I was gonna open a German themed bar. But what would I call such an establishment?

That's right..... Schindler's Pissed.

Ideas like this only come every so often and I cant see any problems with the name!

I Think....

Kasabian frontman and all round fud Tom Meighan looks like.....

Eastenders resident hedonistic homosexual Christian Clarke, who it turns out is gay in real life....who would have thought!

Sky Sports Jews

The Sky Sports News dude looks like he is dying or is a junkie.

I noticed a while ago that he was getting thinner but for fuck sake, he looks like something out of Schindler's List.

They should make him wear wee stripy pyjamas.

Blank Canvas

So I'm running a 10k for cancer on Sunday, this is what they send you in the pack that comes to your door, its to stick to your back so folk can see who your running for.

I'm guessing most folk will have the usual. Granny, Mum, Gramps, Faither. I'm thinking of something different though, something that will raise a smile with the folk behind me.
Any suggestions are welcome! along the lines of

I'm running for

President.....

The Bus......

The toilet after that curry last night....

Your Day Breaks Your Mind Aches

The day totally got away from me yesterday, what started out as a few pints around 5 after the football turned in to a drunken mess that culmanated with me falling asleep on the sofa with a pizza until 4am now with a cunt of a sore back and hangover, Sunday is a write aff tae! We get two days off a week and this is how I choose to spend them! Pfffft!

Vocation Vocation Vocation

Funny how some people just look like they should be in their current profession eh?

I walked by the wee woman that cleans the toilets in the office today and she just looks like thats what she should be doing, pity really that her face fits with one who should be scrubbing the bogs in some office in the town.

There are alot of sales types in here too that fit the bill exactly. smarmy , greasy boombastic gobshites! couldnt imagine them doing anytrhing else other than trying to rip hard working folk aff!

Dosnt work for eveyone mind you but there are some people who after you've aske the question "What does he do then" you always reply "of corse he fucking does, look at him"

Girls Gone Wild

I seen a thing recently for "Girls Gone Wild"

I cant remember if it was the internet of on TV but the premise of the show is to film young American girls on "spring break" or "Mardi Gras" flashing their tits, getting drunk and getting aff with each other.

It got me thinking that when GIRLS go wild this is the type of behavior that is expected. What if it was Women go wild?

When WOMEN go wild they kill men! Who wants to see fucking women go wild!? Why do I think about this shit.

Headhunter

A funny thing happened today.

I was approached by a headhunter representing another company. I'm still a bit confused about the whole thing but from what the guy said it seemed gen up and he did know allot about me and the guys he was representing, as I know them well.

I have to speak to him tomorrow so I suppose time will tell. weird.

Fred Savage

Not been enough Fred Savage on here.

Shenanigans

Meet Aiden Sharkey. This is him Sunday night trying to get to grips with the Old Firm loss.

I have to put up with this shit all the time.

Snooker Roofied Sluts Are We

The Snooker is on in the background.


A match taking place between Marco Fu and this chap, who to me looks like a rapist.

This is the picture Mark Davis chose to use as a reference when he is playing a match on the BBC!? It looks like a mug shot of a date rapist.

Marco has his work cut out for the next round, look who he has drawn....

Red Fool

Did anyone ever drink this on its own in a sober state?

I was out last night for a few hours and wasn't drinking. My mate is a professional boxer (Scottish light middle weight champion of the world) and this is what he drinks when he is out, so being the conformist that I am I thought that will do me! Plus for some reason it made me feel less of a fag.
Honestly I had 4 of them and was rattling, fucking going mental. Obviously not for mere mortals to drink one after the other!

And it costs more than a pint.

Word is Out.