As A Coot

A guy in work came in with a haircut today and now he's bald!

I dont mean he got a skin head I mean after getting it cut down short enough its apparent that male pattern baldness has done its worst to this guy!

It was long enough to think he was going bald but could maybe drag it out for another couple of years but no chance after todays outing.

Is this the baldy equivalent of a gay guy "comming out"? just getting it cropped down to reveal the shiney dome that is never gonna see another follicle?

Its strange and I'm no longer looking at him the same way.

Merchant City Festival

Was OK.

Some good bands on, including the massive jazz band pictured above who would have made at least 5 quid each by the time the money got divvied up.

couldn't properly drink in the street cause they fucked up the licence application but plenty of stuff going on and weirdos mulling about to keep me entertained.

The best thing about the day happened when we got there, my mate Mitch(pictured) pulled oot an auld mans patchwork bunnet and stuck it on! I dont know what kind of statement this was but it was hilarious! and he wore it for the whole day.

Good on ye Mitch!

You Heard It Here First

I tried last year half heartedly to get a song going about a football player, well I say song it was basically chanting the guys name to the tune of a well known pop song but one I think worked well and would take off.

The player in question is Celtic's resident sand dancer Aiden McGeady (mc- gee- day)

The song is Panic by the Smiths, the chorus and outro is a repetition of the lyric "hang the DJ, hang the DJ" to which I tried to swap with "Aiden McGeady, Aiden McGeady" to the same tune and so on!

This season I'm gonna try my best to get it to take off. So I can say, "I started that" and this is the proof.

Try it and sing along......

How Much Longer Do I Have To Spend....

Looking at this manky cow? What an off putting boot! The other one was nice, she's a state.

Toon Etiquette

Working in the city centre has its advantages but trying to walk from place to place on my lunch break is a huge draw back with the amount of eejits in the town!

Why is walking in the toon so hard to some people? The following is not for the town:

1. Walking Slowly.

2. Being unable to walk in a straight line

3. Walking into the wind smoking with no consideration for people behind you.

4. Stopping for no apparent reason.

5. Suddenly changing direction 180 degrees.

6. Hitting your child in public because yer own life sucks.

7. Taking someone's lead and crossing the road when its not safe to do so and nearly getting knocked down.

8. Jumping in front of folk to get them to sign yo to whatever charity your punting.

9.Old people.

10. Neds/chavs/hairys/bints/boots/buns!

A city centre without all this fagotry would be bliss.

Training Day

That's me in training for a 10K coming up next month! Finally I can run after breaking my foot a couple of months back with out wanting to cut it off by the end of it!

Pity I missed most of the summer and the big race because of it.... Well that and being drunk or hung over tae fuck half the time!

My Money's On John Leslie

http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/2009/09/18/revealed-man-who-raped-jordan-is-high-profile-scottish-celebrity-86908-21682570/

What's he like eh?

My New Phone

This is my new phone the Nokia N97 and its fucking great

To clarify- Its a touch/smart phone, 32 fucking gig of memory, 5 mega fucking pix camera, a wee keyboard thing that comes out for e-mails and skype, all the applications under the sun, mobile TV, unlimited music downloads, free constant internet. And its cool as fuck.

Office Life.

This is an actual memo sent round the office this afternoon.


All,

Should you drop a pen down the toilet, can you please retrieve yourself. Do not leave for the cleaners. If the toilet is blocked with tissue and not flushing can you please notify reception in order that it may be reported to the Building Manager.



I found this pen related deviance so funny that I'm thinking of partaking in some of my own, a troll doll, a full packet of pens from the stationery cupboard, a laminated note that reads, "If you have found my pen please return to reception. Thanks!" Oh the possibilities.

Rough Day

Thats me had another interview for a new job, this time out in Bellshill. The only time I really ever hear of that place is when gangsters are found dead there.

It was ok tho, the business park was really tidy, the only problem was I was hung over from the day before, really bad! not that I was out all day drinking, I had a few pints, went up the road and started puking all night and into the next morning.

The actual interview was at 3 and I was still rough as hell, so much so that I thought I was gonna spu on the guy's desk about 3 times! He looked like John Sessions so I was half expecting an impromptu impression of Sir John Gielgud!

Safe to say I fucked it!

The other one I blogged about ages ago is still on going by the way! nightmare!

Scotland's Shame

This was in the centre pages of the Sun the day of the Scotland v Holland game.

I'm not a Scotland fan having grown up in Ireland but I always want to see them do well. If I was I would be raging that this is as far as the national sense of pride stretches! A prayer mat to point towards Hampden, kneel on and pray for a miracle? does anyone else find that ridiculous? A newpaper so confident that their national team has no talent or resolve whatsoever the only thing that will work is a miracle? There are smaller nations that actually have a sense of pride and would get behind the team in the proper way!

They might have well put an advert in the centre pages saying Along Came Polly is on at the same time and you'd be better off watching that!

11/09

Hard to think its been 8 years since the auld terrorist attacks on the twin towers.

I remember it was the first day that I had moved out to start my second year of Uni the following week, we didn't have a TV yet so after various phone calls we went down to the local pub to watch the events unfold.

I remember thinking at the time I didn't really care. I watched the things fall down like I was watching a film and the horror, atrocity and significance passed me bye. what an idiot.

Obviously as time has went on, the full effect of what happened that day has struck me as all the documentaries, first hand accounts, footage and even recorded messages of people in the towers has been played on the TV.

Perhaps the most moving thing I have seen recently was a documentary about a tight rope walker who walked between them in the 70's.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philippe_Petit

No mention of the attacks all the years later but the stark contrast of something poignant and beautiful happening.

And yet I couldnt help thinking how funny it would have been if the planes had have hit as he was doing his walk.

10 Things You Never Really Hear Said.

Thought I would do another 10 things list.

1."Na mate, People respect you BECAUSE you got her pregnant."

2."Nicholas Cage is such a good and versatile actor."

3."Having so many asylum seekers kicking about my area is great"

4."Honey, I think we should try anal"(from your girlfriend)

5."Lovin' the stone wash jeans/black shoes combo"

6."Being a traffic warden is gonna get me sooo much fanny"

7."Why the fuck did they stop at Police Academy 7"

8."Fuck! turn it over, the Kilmarnock/Hamilton game is starting.

9."The Nazis got a bit of a raw deal didnt they?"

10."I think it was Josef Fritzl who once said....."