Here are just a few of my favourite sexual practices....
1. alaskan pipeline- The act of shitting in to a condom, freezing the rubber overnight, then inserting it in to ones anus.
2. Strawberry Shortcake-The action in which the male ejaculates on his partner's face, and then the male punches his partner's nose, which causes blood to stream forth. The semen and blood fluids create a red and white image, just like the icing and filling of a strawberry shortcake.
3.Glass Bottom Boat- When a person shits on on top of a glass table, while someone under neath masturbates to it. like as you would watch fish in a real glass bottom boat.
4.Chilli Dog- The act of shitting a females chest and proceding to titty fuck her.
5.Rusty Trombone- To get rimmed whilst recieving a hearty reach round, thus resembling a trombone player in full chorus.
6.Cincinnati Bowtie- When you reverse titty-fuck a girl. So your balls and cock are upside-down and it looks like she is wearing a fleshy bow-tie.
7. Angry Dragon- Immediately after you blow your load in a girl's mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up she'll look like an angry dragon
8.Alligator Fuckhouse- A daring sexual maneuver: Mid-coitus, one person bites the neck of the other, locks their arms and legs down and goes into a deathroll, all while maintaining insertion. Like downshifting a car!
9.Alabama Hot Pocket-The art of seperating the vagina lips and taking a shat inside (and possibly having sex with it afterwards)
10.Birmingham booty call-Put your woman's cell phone on vibrate, stick it up her ass, and as you are having sex, call her phone, have her shit it out, answer it, and talk dirty to you as you cum on her face.
9 comments:
Gav ma man!!
You forgot to mention the infamous "Guildford Four-play". Which is when your at a party and wait till everyone is asleep, you then proceed to empty your junk over a random girls face and go back to bed. She then wakes up in the morning and blames one of your Irish pals for the foul act, leaving the poor cunt with no female friends.
...then wait 17 years to tell everyone it was you!!!
a double bonus! new masturbating technics AND the return of monk de Wally de Honk! all in one post.
Hooray!
Its the return of the monk!
Worryingly, it took Gavs most lurid post for him to bite.
The north man bit, but he is a specialist in this field. Thats a given. Where has the Monk been hiding we wonder.
Also we wonder if Gav was drinking when he shared these favourites with us.
Especially the first one!!!
That was the only night of the week i havent been drinkin recently. I thought id shake it up with a manky post, well manky to most...
finds Gav slight appealing now...
I go to belfast in the morning and i've not even bothered packing a bag yet, Just siiting here on the internet looking at this shite, Pure no geeing a fuck, Good to see Monk Back, There is alot of darkness on this blog, Especially from Ohgosh!
Mad Mick's away to practice a "Belfast Tugboat" on his burd.
Good luck mate....I just hope you don't take cramp half way through it!!
Also, thanks for the warm welcome back guys....it's good to know my shitey patter is welcome somewhere!!
By the way....
When you were young who was your favourite uncle?
....mine was uncle banana cock!
Mine was uncle feltcher, he had a mad catch phrase... "dont tell mom and dad" how we laughed!
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