The Oriental Bar Review

Following on from last weeks' respite from the now seemingly 'Pond-life Tour of Glasgow City Centre Pubs', where we adjourned to the state of Nirvana that can only be experience with a friday afternoon's relax in the surroundings of the November in Princes Square, we decided that we would bring ourselves back down to earth with the kind of 'Big Bang' that could make Prof S Hawking stand up and run for air!!

Maybe it was the fact I was still p*shed from the night before, or maybe it was the sudden rush of boozer Xenophobia, but this place has to be the most interesting of our excursions so far.

On entrance, a few things smack you right in the mouth, though primarily the feeling of boarding a plane in the coldest of west of Scotland winters and stepping off in the searing heat of the July Costa del Scorchio, but rather substitute the unbearable temperature with a smell from betwix excrement and Lord Lucan's athlete's foot and a noise level of the only empty tent at T coming from the bar area (the latter of which was honestly Chris Rea’s Road to Hell for the entire time we were there, quite fitting on this occasion) and you'll gain some insight into the sheer strength of character and belief in what we have embarked upon, spurring us on to purchase a 'refreshment' and give an honest account of this scene merging Trainspotting and Star Wars.

The bar was quite litterally flies round the proverbial, with an array of weird and weirderful characters and in one growth attached to a stool (or should that be the other way round) we found out where the smell was coming from.

The beer was standard fair for city centre prices etc but in all honesty that was the least of my worries, as on taking our seats we found oursleves being given the least effective under cover surveillance op ever from a young fellow sitting on his own staring at us with an eerie smirk on his face, as if to be deciding what kind of wine to have us with that night!

The only saving grace with the rapidness in which we were served our ale, ale which was clearly suited to the clientelle that the establishment had waved a white flag and resigned itself to, though nonetheless a wide enough selection considering. Had it not been for this swift service we may still be there on all fours on the ground looking for our teeth and eyebrows!!

All in all, the place was a dive, plain and simple and one that’s gonna take some beating.

Gav/Sharks Rating 3/10