Celebrity Watch

How surprised was I when former Spice Girl Mel B turned up in my local?
Even my mate Mick came back from the dead to get a cheeky pic taken with her.
Ya bastard ya

Stay Away From The Light

Some men are born great, others have greatness thrust upon them.
Some idiots wake up during the night with a sore tummy and decide to waste valuable resources by calling an ambulance to take him to the hospital so they could prescribe Rennes.

Twit.

Sno(w)

I fucking hate it.
Why does everyone love having a white Christmas?
The country shuts down.
Everyone ends up on their cunt at some stage.
Granny's die.
Planes cant fly.
Car accidents go up.

Its pure shite.

The Baw's Behind You.

looks like second rate Celtic striker and all round fat eejit Scott McDonald has turned his hand to panto.

More suited to playing grumpy in snow white the cunt's gonna have to settle for a magic lamp to help his game.

I'm not a fan.

PC World

Rudolph the red nosed reindeer
Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose?
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it glows.

You are advised that under the Equal Opportunities for All policy, it is inappropriate for persons to make comment with regard to the ruddiness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer from the Reindeer Games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence. A full investigation will be implemented and sanctions - including suspension on full pay - will be considered whilst this investigation takes place

Stranger Than Fiction.

How weird was my first day back after a month of doing nothing?

4 full weeks of getting fucked up almost every day, putting on about 2 stone, growing a tache and making short work of the new Mario game for the Wii it was time to get back into it.

I sat there and done fuck all but boring competency modules and will be doing the same all week.FUCK!!!

Faux Pas

I recently went to a fancy dress party with a cracking idea for a costume.
I went as John McLean of Die Hard fame.

It didn't go down to well for some reason. Awkward.

Someone Should Die For This.

Wee fat fuck.

Death Watch

There are a few celebs that I've put on death watch.

Top of my list is Maggie Thatcher who I'm giving till match.

Others have to be

Michael J. Fox
Nelson Mandela
Christopher Lee
And I'm gonna throw in a wild card in Britney Spears.

So good luck to all of you but don't let me down.

As always suggestions and additions are welcome.

Meet Cleverbot

Having lots of free time, being stuck indoors with all the bad weather has left me sitting on-line for the most part. I came across this. Cleverbot http://www.cleverbot.com/
Its an artificial intelligence programme that
you can converse with, asking questions or whatever. I was at it the other night for a bit and if you can be bothered it gets so bizarre and removed from reality its actually quite funny. Was a bit like having a yahoo chat session with Roy Batty from Blade Runner. After that its back to the porn.

Words Can't Describe...

How much I fucking love Roy Keane.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sdVZYAd7pv4

The Moustache My Father Wore

That's me been growing a tache since the start of November or Movember as its been renamed for the sake of charity.

The thing about it is everyone else knows how fucking stupid you look apart from you because you forget its there! So to anyone thinking about growing one of these fucking things expect lots of strange looks and sniggers for reasons unknown until you finally realise that you look like a 1970's provo.

Then there is the fact you look like a complete faggot! The tache has long been synonymous with gay men and looking at myself in the mirror, being a chore at the best of times has now been made a more self deprecating experience due to the fact that the word "FAG" now enters my head at the sight of my Borat-esque appearance.

So there it is. A young man in this day and age should not have a moustache and if you do or want to be prepared for the mental turmoil that is surly going to enter your vain little bonce.

Les Miserables

I'm a big fan of Henry, I've always thought he was a good guy and a wonderful player and I still do to be honest. The way he cheated was wrong and its only himself who has to deal with that.

The fact that everything was against the "smaller" nations from the moment the play-offs were drawn is the most disappointing thing. The ref seemed against Ireland from the outset last night and some of the decisions were shocking.

Fifa need to take a long hard look at themselves. Fucking bastards.

Gardening Leave

That's me on gardening leave so I'm aff for a month.

What this suggests to me is that ma former company does not trust me as far as they could throw me so they decided not to take the chance and informed me by letter.

A quick trip to the office to pick up some personal shizz and say cheerio to the gals in the typing pool and its onwards and upwards. disappointing though as I didnt get to steal all I wanted!

Good Idea Bad Idea

Time for some good idea/ bad idea's.

Good Idea
Playing football with your son.
Bad Idea
Playing football WITH your son.

Good Idea
Having lunch with your granda.
Bad Idea
Having sex with your granda.

Good Idea
Feeding your cat some fish.
Bad Idea
Feeding your fish some cat

Good Idea
Taking your mum to dinner.
Bad Idea
Taking your mum at dinner.

Good Idea
Taking a shite.
Bad Idea
TAKING a shite.

anymore?