Another 10 Things That Do My Nut In.

Religion, cause it sucks.

The new Batman films. There I said it.

Michelle McManus.
Things I used to think were funny but are clearly not.
This fucking diddy ride.
Chinese folk.
Bus drivers. (look what he did to my car)
Idiots that get on TV.
Motivational Posters. They got old about 2 years ago.
Britney Fuckin Spears

There's not been enough...

Midget Will Smith pics on here.

....In fact, what are your thoughts on Will Smith? I used to like the dude but every film he does is just about him. For the whole hour and a half or whatever its just him. Boring, wholesome, bankable Will Smith.

Mix it up Will, for your next role I command you play a banjo playing peado or something, maybe get your own back and murder uncle Phil.

Oh aye, and Hancock was shite.

Dowie Syndrome

Bit of a footie moan here.

I would be utterly disappointed and more or less raging if I was a Hull City fan! Their decision to not only sack their manager during a relegation battle but to appoint one of the worst managers in the game is nothing less than shocking!

The guy in general is a complete arse going by the way he comes across on TV especially press conferences and Sky Sports news but he also has a fucking terrible track record as a manager. Twice being sacked after 15 games with 2 different clubs! being sacked from the other two after 2 and 1 seasons respectively.

I would be fucking livid if this guys name was ever associated with a club I followed. Plus he is one UGLY fucker! I mean really!

St Paddy's

What's everyone doing for Paddy's day, If anything?

I'm working which is a bit of a gutter but will be nipping out at certain points to catch a pint or two as Im in the office the whole day. After 5 bells I'll be up to Molly Malones for a cheeky couple.

Here's to St Patrick who drove the snakes out of Ireland. Doubt he would do it today at over a pound a litre for petrol.

I know someone who will like this pic ...

The Court Bar Review

Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high. There’s a land that I’d heard of once in a lullaby…..

The Court Bar wasn’t that place but in keeping with the song’s loose association with those whom like their bread buttered on t’other side it seems quite fitting.

Sharks and myself certainly weren’t in Kansas anymore upon entering this fine establishment, don’t get me wrong the place, quite tidy and clean but when you walk into a pub at lunch time and the barman (who by the way bore more than a striking resemblance to Bruce, the gay guy with the tache from family guy) starts playing “its raining men” by the weather girls from behind the bar you know something aint quite right.

Cue the sudden realisation that we were in a “GAY BAR ,GAY BAR” I suppose the other bar tender with the Abe Lincoln beard, stove pipe hat and funky leotard should have gave the game away but hindsight is a wonderful thing.

It’s actually a decent wee place for a quick pint of an afternoon, situated on Hutcheson Street in the Merchant City it’s a nice setting also with yawn windows that open right out in the summer. Price wise wasn’t too bad either for the city centre, 3 pints coming to £8…One of them being a Magners!....Thats right, 3 pints as we were joined on our quest to the Emerald City by the scarecrow of our group in that “If he only had a brain” he’d be doing well.

Like the land of OZ being of the weird and wonderful this place was no different but at the end of the day there’s no place like home.

Gav/Sharks Rating 5/10

The Oriental Bar Review

Following on from last weeks' respite from the now seemingly 'Pond-life Tour of Glasgow City Centre Pubs', where we adjourned to the state of Nirvana that can only be experience with a friday afternoon's relax in the surroundings of the November in Princes Square, we decided that we would bring ourselves back down to earth with the kind of 'Big Bang' that could make Prof S Hawking stand up and run for air!!

Maybe it was the fact I was still p*shed from the night before, or maybe it was the sudden rush of boozer Xenophobia, but this place has to be the most interesting of our excursions so far.

On entrance, a few things smack you right in the mouth, though primarily the feeling of boarding a plane in the coldest of west of Scotland winters and stepping off in the searing heat of the July Costa del Scorchio, but rather substitute the unbearable temperature with a smell from betwix excrement and Lord Lucan's athlete's foot and a noise level of the only empty tent at T coming from the bar area (the latter of which was honestly Chris Rea’s Road to Hell for the entire time we were there, quite fitting on this occasion) and you'll gain some insight into the sheer strength of character and belief in what we have embarked upon, spurring us on to purchase a 'refreshment' and give an honest account of this scene merging Trainspotting and Star Wars.

The bar was quite litterally flies round the proverbial, with an array of weird and weirderful characters and in one growth attached to a stool (or should that be the other way round) we found out where the smell was coming from.

The beer was standard fair for city centre prices etc but in all honesty that was the least of my worries, as on taking our seats we found oursleves being given the least effective under cover surveillance op ever from a young fellow sitting on his own staring at us with an eerie smirk on his face, as if to be deciding what kind of wine to have us with that night!

The only saving grace with the rapidness in which we were served our ale, ale which was clearly suited to the clientelle that the establishment had waved a white flag and resigned itself to, though nonetheless a wide enough selection considering. Had it not been for this swift service we may still be there on all fours on the ground looking for our teeth and eyebrows!!

All in all, the place was a dive, plain and simple and one that’s gonna take some beating.

Gav/Sharks Rating 3/10

The 10 commandments.

Here are just a few of my favourite sexual practices....

1. alaskan pipeline- The act of shitting in to a condom, freezing the rubber overnight, then inserting it in to ones anus.

2. Strawberry Shortcake-The action in which the male ejaculates on his partner's face, and then the male punches his partner's nose, which causes blood to stream forth. The semen and blood fluids create a red and white image, just like the icing and filling of a strawberry shortcake.

3.Glass Bottom Boat- When a person shits on on top of a glass table, while someone under neath masturbates to it. like as you would watch fish in a real glass bottom boat.

4.Chilli Dog- The act of shitting a females chest and proceding to titty fuck her.

5.Rusty Trombone- To get rimmed whilst recieving a hearty reach round, thus resembling a trombone player in full chorus.

6.Cincinnati Bowtie- When you reverse titty-fuck a girl. So your balls and cock are upside-down and it looks like she is wearing a fleshy bow-tie.

7. Angry Dragon- Immediately after you blow your load in a girl's mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up she'll look like an angry dragon

8.Alligator Fuckhouse- A daring sexual maneuver: Mid-coitus, one person bites the neck of the other, locks their arms and legs down and goes into a deathroll, all while maintaining insertion. Like downshifting a car!

9.Alabama Hot Pocket-The art of seperating the vagina lips and taking a shat inside (and possibly having sex with it afterwards)

10.Birmingham booty call-Put your woman's cell phone on vibrate, stick it up her ass, and as you are having sex, call her phone, have her shit it out, answer it, and talk dirty to you as you cum on her face.

Archer

I came across this one night by accident. I think is was actually because I started to watch Rab C Nesbitt one night and had to turn away in disgust after 10 seconds!...Anyway lucky for me I switched to one of those daft channel 5 channels that I always forget about and stumbled upon Archer.
Witty, fresh, hilarious and fantastic dialogue! Just shows the difference between good writing and bad which in my opinion is the difference between American stuff and the shite WE have to endure.

I would recommend giving it a watch, as I say its on one of those daft C5 channels or FX on Sky.

Peace out x

The Yorkshire Rapper

That's the Yorkshire Ripper pushing for a release again, this time taking it to the court of human rights.

It just makes me wonder if ITV2 will get in about him for a "What Pete did next" type program or maybe a relaunch as the "Yorkshire Rapper" re-releasing "Return of The Mack" by the fabled Mark Morrison maybe coupled with the double A side "Mack the Knife".

Anyway here is the man himself when Jim fixed it for him to meet fellow mad man and indeed woman hater Frank Bruno.