Alfredo's Bar Review

Alfredo’s Bar situated on West Nile Street (named after either the jewel on the Nile starring Michael Douglas or the small 10p chocolate treat), once again synonymous with the older gentlemen of this world (you see where we are going with this review campaign).

The first time I ever had any critic on this place it was to proudly boast how they served 16 year olds with out interrogation back in the late 80’s early 90’s. No harm done then, but questionable as the years pass and patience thins.

This establishment AND city centre heavy weight is a total juxtaposition from the entrance until you get to the bar, an unsuspecting and passable facade is met with a long narrow thoroughfare (no crude comparisons please) with seating on both sides, not out with the realms of any middle of the road bistro in town, all be it with slightly dated furnishings, but not really anything that would worry or even draw the attention of anyone who was there to do what the good Lord intended. Don’t be fooled because a bustling bar with a further seating area complete with sedimentary stalwarts, 6 or 7 TV’s, elaborate and presumably relevant football and boxing memorabilia all over the walls makes for an enjoyable and educational pint.

Although…..On calling a Magners and Cold Guinness (an all important rating factor), I found myself met with a “girl” at the bar who proceeded to bark at me several times “pine oor a boatel”. On the third attempt at clarifying what can only be decribed as a 'simple round' I soon but realised she was just as simple a "girl" as her arguing with "Hairy-Arsed Joe and Billy the Bunnet" during my purchase lead to the poor wee soul not hearing a word I said and leaving me thinking I had wronged her in some way!! A second altercation with what can only be described as the ugly half-brother of Dolores Clayborne would have been too much for this aficionado, so in her second attempt in a somewhat violent enquiry as to whether “ a wanted a pint oor a foukin boatel” I sheepishly replied “bottle”. A grunt, a growl, and probably her phone number if i'd asked, later, the deal had been done and the rest of the hour was an unsurprisingly, yet further humoured by events, enjoyable one.

Gav’s rating 5/10 (verging on a 7 on potenetial of a future, unscheduled, visit)

The Gallery Bar Review

Working out of the city centre has his perks, myself and my good friend Aiden have decided to sample the lesser known pubs in the town and do a small review, we start with one I've always wanted to have a pint in but never got the chance....until now.

The Gallery Bar situated on Buchannan Street(named after Mitch Buchannan) between The subway and that statue of some guy that always used to get fcuked before they “put it up high and that”

The Gallery is noted in society for its exquisite taste and to be fair is quite a decent pub, for whatever reason (and I may not be alone here) has always been synonymous with the “bunnet shops” ( you know who you are goose) of this fair city meaning that if your sick on the floor and the most they put down is sawdust then you’ve backed a wrong’un. The fact that it relies mainly on the local clientele does not fail it in it's ability to attract the tourist, and it's array of habitual drinks and drinkers only adds to the ambience sought after by the foreigner looking for a 'handy pint' in the heart of the city!!

BUT this place actually punches above its proverbial as the décor is nice the pints are good(most importantly) and the bar staff seem quite friendly. They serve food and have a large projector screen which all in all is pretty good for a small pub that relies mainly on a passing trade…..

Gav’s rating 7/10

I Love To Deface A Good Billboard

Boys. It will all end in rape!

Get On My Horse

Chaz The Animal Steel

Meet my mate Chaz.
I thought I'd share a story with you about the lovable fella.
The day of the old firm game Charlie boy got a bit peckish and so decided to fuck off to Mickey D's for a big mac meal or some such processed garbage. During his 6th McNugget the slightly sozzled 21 year old (that's right 21) proceeded to shite himself.
The thing I admire the most is that this young man child calmly shuffled into the McWash cleaned himself up and left his manky scants on the cistern for the next fella (probably a child) to find.

Chaz now joins an elite band. those who have shat there self and carried on drinking without anyone knowing. Well done son, you broke yer cherry.

Who's Copying Who?

Amputee Snowman Porn

With a can of coke up his arse no less. What's not to love?

Lookey Likey

Ugly and annoying the pair.

It Doesnt Matter....

.....Cause she's still honking!

Kelly's Heros

I recently had a request to give someone a shout on the blog.
As you may be aware my local Kellys is a very weird and wonderful place.
One anomaly that has intrigued me since the very start of my tenure there is the bar staff.So this request has inspired me to serialise a profile of each member of the current staff! some hum dingers have came and went but the current crop stand up to all that is wrong with the general public today.

So meet my first profile.
The lovely Seonaid X
The youngest member of the staff although verification of her age remains sketchy at best, she claims to be 19.
A native of "somewhere in Glasgow" she couldn't read or write until she was 12 due to the depravity in the area.
Her nick name at school was apparently the "hoover" and her party piece at the bar includes sucking a golf ball through a straw.
Always warm and friendly (maybe a little too much some might say)and can nearly pull a full pint all by herself, there seems to be a change issue though as many drunken punters seem to be paying a bit too much for their round so watch out for that.

So all in all a decent member of staff.

Gav's rating 7/10