Death Watch

There are a few celebs that I've put on death watch.

Top of my list is Maggie Thatcher who I'm giving till match.

Others have to be

Michael J. Fox
Nelson Mandela
Christopher Lee
And I'm gonna throw in a wild card in Britney Spears.

So good luck to all of you but don't let me down.

As always suggestions and additions are welcome.

Meet Cleverbot

Having lots of free time, being stuck indoors with all the bad weather has left me sitting on-line for the most part. I came across this. Cleverbot http://www.cleverbot.com/
Its an artificial intelligence programme that
you can converse with, asking questions or whatever. I was at it the other night for a bit and if you can be bothered it gets so bizarre and removed from reality its actually quite funny. Was a bit like having a yahoo chat session with Roy Batty from Blade Runner. After that its back to the porn.

Words Can't Describe...

How much I fucking love Roy Keane.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sdVZYAd7pv4

The Moustache My Father Wore

That's me been growing a tache since the start of November or Movember as its been renamed for the sake of charity.

The thing about it is everyone else knows how fucking stupid you look apart from you because you forget its there! So to anyone thinking about growing one of these fucking things expect lots of strange looks and sniggers for reasons unknown until you finally realise that you look like a 1970's provo.

Then there is the fact you look like a complete faggot! The tache has long been synonymous with gay men and looking at myself in the mirror, being a chore at the best of times has now been made a more self deprecating experience due to the fact that the word "FAG" now enters my head at the sight of my Borat-esque appearance.

So there it is. A young man in this day and age should not have a moustache and if you do or want to be prepared for the mental turmoil that is surly going to enter your vain little bonce.

Les Miserables

I'm a big fan of Henry, I've always thought he was a good guy and a wonderful player and I still do to be honest. The way he cheated was wrong and its only himself who has to deal with that.

The fact that everything was against the "smaller" nations from the moment the play-offs were drawn is the most disappointing thing. The ref seemed against Ireland from the outset last night and some of the decisions were shocking.

Fifa need to take a long hard look at themselves. Fucking bastards.

Gardening Leave

That's me on gardening leave so I'm aff for a month.

What this suggests to me is that ma former company does not trust me as far as they could throw me so they decided not to take the chance and informed me by letter.

A quick trip to the office to pick up some personal shizz and say cheerio to the gals in the typing pool and its onwards and upwards. disappointing though as I didnt get to steal all I wanted!

Good Idea Bad Idea

Time for some good idea/ bad idea's.

Good Idea
Playing football with your son.
Bad Idea
Playing football WITH your son.

Good Idea
Having lunch with your granda.
Bad Idea
Having sex with your granda.

Good Idea
Feeding your cat some fish.
Bad Idea
Feeding your fish some cat

Good Idea
Taking your mum to dinner.
Bad Idea
Taking your mum at dinner.

Good Idea
Taking a shite.
Bad Idea
TAKING a shite.

anymore?

New Job!!!

That's yer auld da been offered a new job at last! Turns oot that head hunting mob came through.

I'm made up! you've no idea how a bad working environment can effect you! Its terrible and no amount of skiving or general tomfoolery can make up for it! I hand the auld notice in on Thursday but I was thinking about doing the resignation like a ransom note with squares cut out from the news paper for a laugh.

Any funny resignation suggestions are welcome!

Yaaaas for a new Job!

Men At Work

Recently in work I've been finding that my jacket has been tampered with come 5pm.
Arms tied together, mugs in my pockets etc..

Through my Sherlock Holmes ingenuity though I managed to track down the sneaky perpetrator.

Payback time me thinks.









Watch out down Prestwick way!

Welcome Ohgosh

Been ages since a got a new follower and am made up so a thought I'd do a Hi post!

Cheers for joining hen, Mr Yum be a lucky man!

10 Things I Hate About Me

Here is just a small sample of some of the fucked up things I do.

1. Embellish stories of things that happen to me to make it sound more interesting.

2. Tell other peoples stories from my perspective thus making ME sound more interesting.

3. Buy food but dont eat it.

4. Buy clothes but never wear them.

5. Avoid any responsibility what-so-ever for my actions.

6. Deliberately annoy folk for my own amusement.

7. Pick random people in queues to hate while I'm waiting. Forming a pretty bad opinion of them with no information other than the way they look/are dressed.

8. Will literally sink to any low for a laugh.

9. Rarely care about anything/one other than myself.

10. Remain in at state of constant annoyance about people/places/things etc.